


Crucify Me

by PaintingWithDarkness



Series: Bluepulse Week 2020 [1]
Category: Young Justice (Cartoon), Young Justice - All Media Types
Genre: Bluepulse, Bluepulse Week 2020, Day 1, Established Relationship, Gluttony, Jaime's POV, Lust, M/M, Pride, Religious Guilt, Seven Deadly Sins, envy - Freeform, greed - Freeform, introspective, it comes from a personal place, love is not a sin, sloth - Freeform, sorry - Freeform, there are mentions of religion and religious references, wrath - Freeform, yes this fic is about religious guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:41:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24873994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaintingWithDarkness/pseuds/PaintingWithDarkness
Summary: Jaime's always been the good little Catholic boy everyone expects him to be. There's only one problem. He's in love with Bart Allen, which makes him a sinner.
Relationships: Bart Allen/Jaime Reyes
Series: Bluepulse Week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1799851
Comments: 10
Kudos: 29





	Crucify Me

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I missed the deadline by a few minutes. I'm sorry! Please don't hurt me! 
> 
> But seriously, I struggled with this prompt quite a bit. And eventually, this little thing came to me. It's actually written based on my personal experiences with religion in my own life, and I believe it could be relatable to some of you as well? As a bisexual person, I really struggled to come to terms with my identity and what that would mean for me, based on how religion portrays things. At this point in my life though, I think I've found a happy medium where I can be who I am, and not feel guilt over it. And I think by the end of this, Jaime figures that out, too.

Having grown up Catholic, Jaime knew all about the Seven Deadly Sins; Pride, Greed, Wrath, Sloth, Gluttony, Envy, and Lust. Sunday School had taught him the meanings of each, how to avoid them, and what would happen should he fall victim to temptation. In addition to the Ten Commandments and other biblical teachings that had been spoken to him since he was a child, Jaime considered the Sins just another item on the long list of “Do”s and “Don’t”s that would either earn him a ticket to Heaven, or get him damned to Hell for eternity. 

For the most part, Jaime tried to play the good Catholic boy everyone expected him to be. He showed up for Mass each Sunday, contributed his ten percent to the tithings, read his Bible (when he could be bothered to remember), and prayed his rosary (when he could actually find it in his mess of a room). He did his best to adhere to what he’d been taught, and went to Confession whenever he felt the need to rid himself of guilt and ask for forgiveness. Jaime paid the proper respects to his parents, elders, and the leaders of the church, and always volunteered a helping hand when the community needed one (superhero business aside). He was the ideal image of a devout Catholic. Only one snag existed in the perfect façade Jaime had constructed for himself: Bartholomew Henry Allen II. 

If everything Jaime had been taught about religion, Heaven, Hell, God, the Devil was true, then Bart would be his ultimate undoing. It was impossible  _ not _ to sin when the other boy was involved. Jaime didn’t think he could possibly confess everything that the speedster made him feel, think, and do. If Bart asked, Jaime would bend to his will. No higher power could ever hope to have as much control over him. 

Love, by the Bible’s definition, was not a sin, in and of itself. The concept of love could be broken down into several different subtypes. There was the kind and non-judgemental love you were expected to show strangers, platonic love you enacted towards friends and neighbors, familiar love you gave to parents and siblings, and romantic love, which was reserved only for that one special person you would dedicate the rest of your life on Earth to, unconditionally. It was that type of love that fell under the most scrutiny. Non-judgemental love, platonic love and familiar love were not discriminatory. You were supposed to show those forms of love to  _ everyone  _ regardless of race, nationality, physical difference, or beliefs. Why then, did romantic love discriminate based on sex? 

Jaime couldn’t understand. He had been taught that romantic love was to be shared between a man and a woman— no exceptions. But why? What did a person’s heart and mind have to do with what was between their legs? Why was it considered sinful for gay men, or lesbian women to share the same kind of love that heterosexual men and women shared for one another? Was the ability to procreate really the only thing that could define such a deep-rooted, emotionally-invested type of connection between two people? 

Jaime loved Bart. There was no question about it. And Jaime knew that his love for the speedster far exceeded the non-judgemental love he felt for the members of the community that he volunteered to help. It far exceeded the platonic love he felt for Tye, Brenda, Paco, Tim, Garfield and Cassie. It far exceeded the familiar love he felt for his father, mother and Milagro. The type of love that Jaime felt for Bart was romantic; there was no other form of love strong enough. If it was a sin, so be it. Jaime would gladly take that nail in his personal cross to bear. 

Despite being told his love for Bart was wrong, Jaime couldn’t find himself being bothered by that opinion enough to stop. He would not be bullied into pretending to be someone he wasn’t. Jaime’s feelings for Bart— all of the emotions, sensations, thoughts— would not disappear just because someone told him it was wrong— that he shouldn’t be feeling the way he was— that he should get rid of them. Underneath the surface of any mask Jaime could put on would still be the face of a boy who loved another boy. And Jaime was unwilling to play the role someone had scripted for him. The Reach had already tried that gimmick and failed. Jaime was going to write his own play, and he was going to do it in rainbow-colored ink. He was Proud to call Bart his boyfriend, and he was Proud of the love they shared. And if having Pride made him a sinner, Jaime would shamelessly bow his head, and take the crown of thorns. 

Usually, Jaime considered himself to be a pretty down-to-earth, giving type of person. He didn’t care much for possessions or wealth. He would give and sacrifice to his own self-detriment if it meant helping someone else, but when it came to Bart Allen, only the best would do. Jaime’s Greed didn’t stem from a need to acquire nice things for himself; no, it stemmed from a need to give Bart the world, because that was what he deserved. How was it fair that billionaires were sitting back in their lush office chairs, pretending to run multi-million dollar corporations (when in reality, everyone knew it was the secretaries and minimum-wage paid workers pulling all of the strings), while Bart was out risking his life to save them and the very corporations they ruled over? Bart had suffered to get to where he was. He’d lived through the apocalypse and was here to tell the tale. Time and time again, he’d gotten hurt protecting lazy bureaucrats, and entitled trust fund babies who didn’t even know what real work looked like. Bart didn’t ask for a lot, but what he did ask for, Jaime was going to provide in surplus. If that meant swiping every last bag of Chicken Whizees from the shelf at the grocery store, Jaime was going to do it. If it meant demanding that he and Bart always be paired together for missions (no exceptions), so be it. (That was actually one thing Jaime was greedy about; he wanted to have Bart to himself). If that meant hoarding all of the best snacks in the house (even though Ma had bought them for Jaime and Milagro to share), Jaime was going to do it, no questions asked. Bart deserved more than Jaime could give him, and if being a little Greedy was what it took for Jaime to even attempt to give Bart a taste of entitlement, he was going to do it. He would gratefully hand over the hammer to the richest, most hypocritical member of the bourgeois and allow them to pin him down to his personal cross for his sin. 

In addition to giving Bart everything he could ever want, Jaime had also decided that no one was  _ ever _ ,  _ under any circumstances _ , allowed to hurt the precious speedster. Anyone who dared to cause Bart any emotional, mental, or physical harm would have Jaime to answer to. During missions, the amber lenses of his Blue Beetle suit constantly scanned for the familiar red and yellow suit amongst the chaos of the battlefield to ensure that Kid Flash was never in danger. Whenever a supervillain laid a hand on Bart, Jaime was always the first one to his defense. Every time he saw Bart take a hit, his blood boiled, and he was tempted to actually act on the suggestions Khaji Da whispered in his mind. Seeing Bart bleeding and bruised was just not an image that computed in Jaime’s head. Instead, in those moments, all he could see was red. When Bart had nightmares, and came to him shaking, or with tears tracing down his cheeks, all Jaime wanted to do was go into Bart’s dreams and beat up whoever, or whatever had caused him such anguish (even if that meant going toe-to-toe with his own moded alter-ego). A distressed Bart was the key to inciting Jaime’s Wrath, and when Reyes was on the warpath, there was no escaping him. Jaime had the armor of a Reach soldier at his disposal, and a sentient AI attached to his spine that was just as Wrathful. When pressed, Jaime could come up with some pretty good ideas to get revenge on the one responsible for hurting his boyfriend, and if he ever did blank, he could always be sure that Khaji Da would have a plan to eviscerate, obliterate, or eliminate the threat to Bart’s well-being. If that earned him the third nail, so be it. 

If he was being honest, Jaime had never really understood why Sloth was considered a sin. Everyone deserved to be lazy every now and then, and Jaime’s favorite part about being lazy was that he could spend more time with Bart. He loved waking up late on the weekends with the sun shining warm and bright through the windows, and Bart’s thin, yet muscled body snuggled up close and tight to his own. Peppering soft kisses across the pale skin of Bart’s cheeks, and into the tawny strands of his wild hair was one of Jaime’s favorite past times. When his jade eyes, still dull with sleep, would finally crack open and land on Jaime, he would give Bart the biggest smile imaginable before diving right in for a kiss. And Bart would kiss him right back. They would hold one another close, sharing slow, soft kisses, until they ran out of breath, and then Jaime would whisper to him, “Buenos dias, Amor,” and Bart would reply with, “Morning, Babe,” before they went back to it. Spending all day, tangled up in the sheets of their bed, and with one another was the perfect way to spend the weekend. Between soft, lazy kisses, they would watch TV, or take tiny cat naps, only breaking so that Bart could grab snacks every once in a while to sate his speedster metabolism. If something as innocent as spending his Saturdays in bed with his boyfriend was considered a sin, Jaime could care less. He probably wouldn’t even feel the fourth nail, because he would be napping peacefully with Bart tucked into his arms.

Jaime had been taught in Sunday School that it took four nails to crucify Jesus. One for each hand, and one for each foot. There was of course some debate over the matter (some historians and religious leaders believed it had only taken three nails), but in Jaime’s case, it didn’t matter. His Love, Pride, Greed, Wrath, and Sloth would have already gotten him crucified for sure, and that wasn’t even taking into account the three other Sins he was also guilty of. 

Jaime supposed his Gluttony would have to be the spear in his side. Though to be fair, it was really Bart who was the one guilty of this particular sin. Jaime was merely an (mostly) innocent bystander. Bart could eat like no one’s business. His speedster appetite was certainly one to be reckoned with. The only sinful thing Jaime was guilty of in this case, was spending way too much money trying to keep up with Bart’s ferocious eating habits. Grocery bills were insane. Takeout always led to filling the entire dumpster outside their apartment with empty Chinese containers, pizza boxes, and dozens of McDonalds wrappers. Every time Jaime looked at his wallet, he had to say a little prayer that Bart’s next binge would leave him with at least enough to cover the costs of his own meal. It was probably a good thing Jaime was the one taking the spear, considering Bart would have a hard time finding a place for it next to all of the food in his stomach. 

With Jaime sufficiently punished for his sins, he would need a place to rest. Envy could serve as the nail in his coffin. It wasn’t that Jaime got jealous easily. Most of the time, Jaime was happy for other people whenever they achieved something great, or got something new. He had learned that everything was not about him, and that he did not always have to be the center of attention (a lesson, in Jaime’s opinion that some people still had to learn). The only thing that ever really made Jaime feel Envious of anyone was when  _ they _ were the center of  _ Bart’s _ attention rather than him. Jaime wanted to be the only one Bart ever thought about. He wanted to be the only person Bart ever talked to, or spent time with. He wanted to be the only person that Bart ever loved. He knew it was silly, but Jaime often found himself jealous of his own teammates at times. He hated that he and Bart couldn’t always be a solo act when it came to superheroing. Hearing Bart talk about his friends from school also made Jaime want to cringe at times. He wondered whether Bart ever talked about him this much. Of all of the Sins, this was the one Jaime felt the most guilty over. He wouldn’t be surprised if the Envy turned him green in his grave. 

And despite feeling guilty over his Envy, the Sin that would probably earn him eternal damnation would be Jaime’s Lust. Bart Allen was not only the Fastest Man Alive, but the sexiest, too. Every time he and Jaime had sex, Jaime couldn’t help wanting more, even if he had had a mind-blowing finish. His boyfriend was absolutely beautiful. Jaime couldn’t get the image of him out of his mind. Bart’s auburn locks fanned across the pillows of their bed, as his lithe, pale body stretched out on the sheets beneath his own was Jaime’s favorite sight. His magnificent viridescent eyes always filled with a heady mixture of love and lust whenever he and Jaime came together in this intimate way, and the way Bart’s voice rang out whenever Jaime did something he liked was like a Siren’s Song. Jaime would drown in his Lust for Bart, if possible. Feeling Bart’s slick skin against his own as they moved together, and his heaving chest and heartbeat against him as Bart panted and writhed beneath him was ecstasy. And Jaime couldn’t get enough of his lips. Those carmine lips of his tasted divine, and the noises that came from between them were even more so. The sound of Bart’s moans would forever be engraved in Jaime’s mind, and the way he cried out Jaime’s name, praised him, begged him, and told him he loved him when they were in the heat of the moment would always be the soundtrack playing in the background of all of Jaime’s fantasies. If Jaime didn’t believe in only one God, he would say Bart could definitely run for the position. Bart in bed was definitely something sacred. 

Jaime didn’t know if his love for Bart was a sin or not. By all religious definitions, Jaime was doomed. Bart Allen caused him to commit the Seven Deadly Sins on a daily basis. Even if Jaime was a good Catholic boy in all other respects, would it be enough to save him? Or would he really experience the crucifixion of his soul? Was he already nailed to the cross? Had the crown of thorns already been placed on his head? Unfortunately, Jaime didn’t know. Was Bart an incubus in disguise sent to Earth to test his faith? If so, he’d certainly failed. But in the end, it didn’t really matter. Religious or not, Jaime could never stop loving Bart, and if that meant literally spending an eternity walking through Hell to prove it, that would just have to be Jaime’s cross to bear. 

**Author's Note:**

> Leave me comments? I'm also cross-posting this to my tumblr, where I'll be posting my stuff for the rest of Bluepulse Week, so feel free to hit me up there, too! [Link](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/paintingwithdarkness)


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